3:01 p.m. - 2005-10-27
living dead girl
wow i found my first boyfriend. i mean, not really, because my technical first boyfriend was jeremy in first grade back in cali... and actually my technical second boyfriend was shem when we were ten and apparently king and queen of the forest, but the first boy i ever thought was beautiful enough to stalk ended up being my first "relationship" type thing, and definitely one of the nicest ones i've ever had. myspace is so cool and so incredibly evil at the same time. we're all side by side, my ancient history, my past, my present, my future, my smiling nostalgia, and my intense unforgiven hatred. who could resist that? so everything is different now... i don't know why i should ever feel the need to write anything relevant and timely on here, as if anyone reads it except myself, and i already know what's going on in my life (well, in theory), but here's the thing. i worked at a bank! me, the ex-check-forger. but it was, of course, a fluke. real banks do background checks i find, here in the big city. i love it here. especially when it's cold and dark and windy and i walk to school every day on a soft, thick carpet of golden orange fallen leaves. they're stomping upstairs... i hope that's not because of my music. posting on a blog makes me feel incredibly lazy. i should be writing my essay that's due next week. or at least reading my book. i go to school now, too. like a real sort-of grownup. and i hardly ever do drugs anymore (wow that was sort of a blatant lie, but i mean it's the thought that counts)... aaaaaaand what else. i love mae. and may. and mike. and i want to be a suicide girl. and i love finding cool people from good parts of my past on myspace. i hate finding people that i wish death upon. well ok, there's only one of those. but still, finding him was one of the most nauseating things that has happened to me in quite some time. for some reason i just couldn't resist. it's like marla... the scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if you could just stop tongue-ing it. tongue is a super-wierd word.
